Noelvember.

The holidays are upon us! It was hard for me this year, to wait until after the Santa Claus parade to get out the boxes of holiday cheer. But I waited, because I like to think that I'm mostly not crazy. But both the retail industry and the media are finally on my side in this, and its perfectly acceptable to start the holiday season festivities this week. YES!!!!! Most of you won't know I am a huge Christmas nerd. I love it more than people. So, of course I have chosen to spend my life with the Grinch. He's a relatively tolerant Grinch though, and  finds great fun in employing a certain other anti-Yuler's famous phrase whenever I mention anything holiday related.  More on my love for Christmas later. We have a whole month folks. It's a long ride.

Updates on the business are too small for this blog, so I wont bore you, although they are exciting for us. You sure you guys don't want to hear Craig's thrilling account of filing our first HST forms??? I'd tell you, but this blogger won't be liable for any health problems caused due to the overwhelming excitement of that story. But....

New business cards are being designed for us, events for the holidays and new year are being planned and we're coming up with new recipe's and idea's all the time. We'd love to get working more, so please, dear reader.....recommend us. phonybalony.com. Do it. (But if anyone has any other idea's for shameless self promotion, you can throw those right here in the comment section. #thankyouverymuch)

Now I'm going to try to convince SOMEONE to go to the store and procure the heavy cream I need to make scones. But I'm feeling bloggy today, so today will be a 2 for 1 post day, in honor of my retail friends who have made my holiday dreams come true unnecessarily early.

Thanks

Hey guys, I know it's been awhile. I have some business to get to before I enthrall you with our updates:

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, to each and every one of you who has taken the time to check out Phony Balony. Whether its through this blog, the brand new website, Facebook or Twitter, we thank you. Regarding the website, our friends at Electron Spin really came through for us with an outstanding site. They're a new small business like us, so send them love by liking them here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Electron-Spin-Solutions/136256279809930

As I write this post, I'm thinking of all the people on a daily basis who helped us give steam to this project. As I've said before, its harder than we thought it was going to be, and it's friends, family, co-workers and even strangers who have motivated us with their sincere belief in the concept.  Some of you know you've contributed, some of you don't. Your continued support for us and the business is appreciated.

I wish I could send you all candy and puppies and hugs. Well, maybe just the first two. I'm not really a hugger, high school ruined it. ("OH MY GOD!!! Its so crazy that I just saw all of you in this SAME hallway before LAST period! Lets hug about it, k guys?")

So its fall now. Which is awesome, from both a holiday and cooking standpoint. I like cold weather cooking, it's what I'm most comfortable with and best at. I wish I would have found the time this year to pickle and can things, but we're not leaving the harvest totally empty handed. I have a windowsill full of drying chili peppers, which looks pretty, and is exciting. I'm very much looking forward to Christmas, which is nothing new. (I actually cheered out loud yesterday when I saw the tree's up in the Bay. Twice.) We wont be doing anything as exciting as Holland this year, but its been a long busy year for us, so staying at home is something we're looking forward to.

Tomorrow, we'll be making the front of the house all spooky, I'm going to carve some pumpkins and work out my costumes for the weekend. Any idea's are welcome. I love Halloween, but am always kinda bummed that I work through all the fun stuff. Maybe next year I'll take it off so I can fulfill a lifelong dream of attending the Rocky Horror Picture Show in costume.

 It's mean to laugh at people's dreams, so please stop now.

Go ahead and laugh that I'm off to work though. I'd love to sit around entertaining you guys all day, but you can't blog without internet, and you cant internet without paying the bills. #comeoccupythebarplease

Our short story...

So, the garden is dead. Thank you heat wave. This will be a relativley short post since the "a" key on my keyboard has comitted suicicide....making it very difficult to type as i think....

We've launched our business, kind of. For those of you who were even remotley interested, I'll reveal the story in full detail here:

Phony Balony was born standing in front of a chain grocery store's deli counter. We realized that going to the deli is something vegetarians just weren't able to do, so we decided to change that. We became fake meat obsessed, while making another discovery on the way; where was the comfort food? Where was the stuff Mom used to make?


So we did that too. 


Our company philosophy is that just because you made the decision not to eat meat, be it full time, part time, or only on Mondays, you should have Shepherds Pie and Meatloaf. Or anything else traditionally meaty. We promise to be local, organic, sustainable and homemade when we can. 


By kind of, I mean that we intend to open a store at some point. We are catering now and having a lot of fun with it. Help us out on Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/phonybalony or by following us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/phonybalonyTO

Work is hard, and other revelations...

This blog is now part of my job, which means I can get back to posting. Thank goodness, because I quite like it. So some updates:

The garden suffered horrifically from the drought, but is recovering nicely and we just pulled out some great savoy cabbage. The sadness over the tomato plants had me down on the whole thing for a while, but I put my gloves on yesterday, got out in the sun and went to town on the weeds. Things were growing under there again!

The company is taking up lots of time, as any business does. Licensing and organizing a business is harder than you think. When I thought it was basically obtaining a business license, buying a domain name, etc I was prepared for the challenge. I'm still up to it, I just realize now that there is no preparing for it. Its alot of surprises, some good and some bad. Like realizing that unless you are the heir to some cheese stick fortune or something, you will never have enough money to get started the way you want to. So we cater for now. Which I enjoy, so that's ok. We'll have our store one day, and you'll all be able to drop in for lovely homey vegetarian meals. We're constantly working on our menu, and we've come to a happy realization that catering is a great way to do this.

That being said, if anyone knows of an opportunity that is beneficial to a small business in any way, you know how to reach me. Or if you happen to be the wealthy heir of a cheese stick fortune who enjoys reading the blog of a couple of small time entrepreneurs.

I've set up an office in the basement, from which I am currently writing. It seems a good place to do so, so far. As much as hanging out in a cold, windowless room with the pleasant whir of the dryer (and my chronically unbalanced washing machine) doesn't really appeal to the creative side of me, I've found I am actually getting work done.  My usual cure for procrastination is giving up completely. So there's that. Not even the impending start of football season and cold beer in my fridge is luring me out of my little work hole in the depths. I'm dedicated and focused this eve.

Until 9pm when the Packers kick off, and then I'll have to move to the couch.

Caffeine, Catering, and proCrastination?

Well, well, well...look who's back. I used to write in the morning, and since the garden is now taking up a lot of that time, I've completely forgotten to write at all.  I pledge to suck a little bit less for the rest of the summer.

We also got caught up in wedding plans (which so far is a lot of talking, thinking, adjusting guest list, talking some more, researching, adjusting guest list, budgeting, adjusting guest list...) which bumped the business planning to the back burner for a minute. Were back on track now due to our first catering gig, thanks to a lovely friend who really believes in us and our idea. If all goes well the lettuce were growing in the garden will be the star of a beautiful salad! Ill be sad to see it go, but proud of its accomplishments and wish it the best.

Have you ever tried to cut down your caffeine? I'm a coffee fiend. I'm talking 2 in the morning, 1 on the way to work, 1 whenIi get to work, 1 after I eat dinner, and several more over the course of the night. I have great friends who often bring me coffee. Its safe to say I drink too much of the stuff, so I decided to stop it and switch to decaf, as I refuse to give up the glorious nectar. I thought it would be harder but have yet to find a corner in which to turn into a rocking, eye scratching, mumbling mess. Just putting it out there, I feel a whole bunch less stressed and jittery. Less snappy, and believe it or not; less tired. Yes kids, caffeine makes you MORE tired.  Look it up. Now if someone can only help me with.......

STEAK. I have been on a steak streak. Which is bad, because without getting all political and Betty Buzzkill about it, red meats sucks for the planet. I feel guilty about eating it for several obvious reasons, and yet constantly crave it and CAN NOT STOP.

Ugh.............................every single time I wish the steak had the black magic power to hex me so I develop a horrible aversion involving disgusting boils or something.

I have to run and work on a menu now, but it just occurred to me that the same week we have to go and critique someone else's food for the wedding, we land our first gig. I wonder what the universe is trying to tell us?

Things are growing...

After spending several days in the backyard sun, soaking up rays, picking out weeds and watching my nose grow ever redder, we're back to the rain. At least its killing the BBQ dreams of people who are off weekends, and leaving us alone for the moment.  The downside is, the inflatable pool we bought on impulse yesterday will get filled by nasty rainwater. Because we forgot it might need a cover. Oops.

 Based upon advice from the eager beaver at the nursery, we planted what are supposed to be early spring weather tolerant seeds to get started. It was a direct result of that special kind of impatience that only exists in spring.  Concerns for the lettuce and spinach seeds that have yet to sprout exist, yet we've been bolstered by the unexpected overnight growth of a row of peas and beans! The radishes started to come up right away, and seem happy in their sunny little patch. Updates to follow.


Yet, there isn't much that can squash the good vibes the last week of sun has brought us. Maybe its lame, but seeing the ferns uncurl along the walkway, spying the first buds on the grapevines and enviously eying every house on the street that has a huge flowering tree does good things for the soul. Tofu kebabs with friends, sharing newspapers and coffee in the garden and walking the dog around the city is what summer is all about. (Only this year it also involves wedding obsession and learning about how to host websites, and what permits are required to open a business...)

Lastly for today...

Riding a bike as an adult is not nearly as easy as you think it is. For most of you in Toronto, you have ridden suicidally around these streets, weaving effortlessly in and out of traffic, talking on your cellphones, eating lunch, juggling fire, etc.  I recently inherited a bike, and was convinced into a ride. Most of which I refused to leave the sidewalk for, and even then was terrified of mowing down an innocent pedestrian.

Being brave is hard work.

Sorry for the delay...

Its been a busy busy couple of weeks, and if anyone out there is actually following (thank you!), and was waiting for a new post, I'm finally getting around to it.

Big news is: we're getting married! Our lives are about to get more hectic...planning a business, a wedding, and a huge backyard gardening project all while working long hours most days a week. While trying to figure out how to make the meatiest meatless dishes on the planet. And life still happens while you're making big plans, things like eating and cooking and laundry continue to get in the way...

So maybe a little far behind the rest of the planet, we've discovered square foot gardening. We're so interested in the high yield concept, that we plan to pretty much rearrange our entire backyard to accommodate. Our goal is to grow enough produce, to support us the entire season! The knowledge that we have on this subject is based on our "throw it in the ground and see what happens" approach to last years attempt, and about an hours worth of internet research. So, it'll probably go ok. I don't entirely understand things growing upside down, the eating habits of the squirrel (terrorist)that lives on our roof, or what "perfect soil" is, but Google is that best friend that knows everything and doesn't tell people you asked stupid questions.

Even with a few failures though, there is simply nothing better and more summery than heading out back to grab lunch right out of the ground. Tasting the sun in my food is something I wish I had experienced much earlier in life, and is something we never tire of talking about when the cherry tomatoes are ripe.

Does"cooking up an idea" count?

Rather than actually cook this week, we did some eating out as we were on the go running errands most of our two precious days off (and struggling through the kind of clean you do right before someone you don't know comes to stay the weekend). This last week however, we weren't in the slightest bit adventurous or even a little curious. We ate the same things we always eat, from the same places we eat them from. Throw in one new salad, and one added pizza topping, and we've been here before. I did have someones homemade tiramisu last night, and it was awesome. Its also one of those things I would never make for us at home, so a nice treat. NOT a nice treat: I just found out about the horrible death sauce that they call "butter topping" at the theater!?!?! The extra stuff you put on yourself by the extra salt? It looks like liquid msg, and the work of the devil. 

Ah well, I did manage to catch some food network before work yesterday.....its counts as food stimulation. Which is something Ive totally now just made up. Its like, when you cant eat interestingly....you can watch other people cook interestingly....and...then, because of the....right? It counts!! 

Besides, I am too busy cleaning the outside of the backs of all my drawers in case one falls out by accident when our guests are here. And making sure none of our books smell funny or anything. The shame. 

Also, lets all be friends and share....we need a logo made. Know someone who might want to do something like that? Email me at:  vicariousvegatarian@gmail.com, or post the link in the comments, or on twitter. 

SPRING!!!

Its the first day of spring officially!! Its been a lovely week as you all well know, we didn't need jackets to go to the park, its been sunny and I'm walking to work again.

We have gardening on the brain!  We are fortunate enough to have, in our rented paradise, a large backyard. Which is ours to do what we will with, so last year we used the existing vegetable bed to try our very rookie hand at a vegetable garden and had, very surprisingly,  more win than fail. Even with the barrage of heat waves, our little garden managed to produce way more tomatoes, zucchini and cucumbers than we could eat. We knew nothing of yield, and were taught a lesson when we were harvesting somewhere around 100 cherry tomatoes a day. I have very itchy green thumbs right now, with plans to expand the garden out a few more feet, throw in a separate herb garden, add some berry bushes and fill the space formerly zucchini (menace) occupied space with new and exciting....i don't know what yet, but lord knows i will never make the mistake of thinking that one couple needs 4 zucchini plants. Onions and potatoes?  Artichokes?

Hopefully we can grow enough produce at home, that we wont have to buy any all summer. Planning the backyard oasis to get me through that last long day of work before our weekend starts...

Cooking tomorrow(yay!), maybe we can prematurely break out the bbq for lunch!

We've been working. 

Not cooking, not shopping, eating at work(which anyone who works in the industry will agree, gets old and boring after the first 6 months and is usually a last resort),  and picking up subway/burritos because they're cheap and in between the cab and the back door of work. Also, the weather sucks, and I don't want to go out in it to shop. There is nothing more frustrating than walking around shopping bag laden, in the rain, through the sea of brown slush that the city becomes in the winter. Its depressing, uninspiring and I want no part of it. 

But the clocks go ahead to give us that precious extra hour of sunshine we need desperately, and I have a plan...

I want to challenge my skills, and the palates of my carnivorous friends. I want to make meatless comfort food, and I want them to like it. I'm talking Shepard's pie, meatloaf, tortiere. GRAVY. Plus, we like any excuse for a dinner party. Winter comfort food feast-fest. Sayonara snow. 

Busy, busy, busy...

Usually, we get to cook a lot. These last few weeks ave been busier with a business opportunity, and have prevented us from doing so. However, we have eaten out more, and tried to go to all new places. All vegetarian, apart from the chicken tikka masala i ordered trying to be a good sport, also trying to forget that I very rarely like Indian food (The place I wanted to go to was closed, and Kensington doesn't offer you many Monday night dinner options once the sun goes down). We've been trying to hit a lot of the t.o vegetarian spots, for a few reasons; we like to support, we like to have options, and learning is fun. (Geek, yes, but proud.)

Last night we ate cheese, cheese and more cheese. For dinner. And I've decided we need a better system for remembering what in the hell the names of the bloody things are by the time I get home. We have a great system for buying it: we ask for recommendations of a hard, a soft and a weird. Then we taste, and more than likely take them up on their suggestions. The plan has holes which let the names of some of these wonderful cheesy delights slip right through into the abyss from whence they came. Forever. We can never recall, in our excited walk home, with dancing remains of the samples we just had teasing us every block we shave off, what the blasted names were. A cheese journal? A sharpie at the ready to label the wedges prior to exiting the gate of cheese heaven? 

We often indulge in mass amounts of cheese, olives, dips, breads and wine as a dinner. It works for us both. Sometimes, when you're cooking for a vegetarian.....its nicer to spend the time not cooking, and trying desperately instead to remember what it is you're eating. :)'

Do these pants come in cranky?

I work weekends. And I HATE Saturdays. So you wont get too many adventures in the kitchen out of me in between bartending shifts.

I do my best to be ambitious and rise at an hour the rest of the world would find satisfactory, I really do. Its just that I don't know if any one else is noticing this, but.....getting old sucks. I am no longer at an age where 4 hours of sleep still allows me to look human and function on anything other than a base level. So, I need sleep. But once a week or so, I wake up truly refreshed and feel like making breakfast. Last week it was smoky paprika homefries, eggs with leek and artichoke hash, toast, brand new coffee. We cant get through a meal without some sort of cheese, and tomatoes, so they are always a given, even if they're just thrown on the side of the plate as is.

Todays brunch activities involve trying to feed both of us for the very long night ahead (Saturdays are a marathon for both of us), celebrating the dogs birthday (laugh, go ahead),  working on the business (all the time), and trying to come up with something to do with the blasted semi-soft tofu thats been in the fridge. To the Internet!

Its rainy and gray, Irish Breakfast tea is going down good, theres a friend a miss and want to catch up with, so I think Ill just wait to send the boys to get supplies while I sit in the warm glow of the  food network and languidly complain about being sore and tired.

Hand me those prunes over there.  NO, to the LEFT of the knitting needles, UNDER the afghan....

The point is...

...that it is hard to cook and shop for a vegetarian, specifically when you enjoy cooking.  I could slap together a couple of tofurkey sandwiches while I'm slaving over the completion of some meaty creation, but it doesn't seem fair does it? Also, I subconsciously stopped bringing meat into the house months ago.

But how many eggplant lasagne's can we eat? How much zucchini can you grill? How many ways are there to roast various veggies? Tons, I know.  Were on the brink of exhausting all the ideas....and I really want meatloaf, or Shepherds Pie. But that is the point....so does he. Just without the meat. And I want it without the crappy fake meat taste.  The quest continues...



By the way, did TVP/ground round burgers the other night.  Ended up like sloppy joe's. Form fail, taste win. We've tried to do TVP meatballs before and they worked sans ground round, so next time, I think thats the way to go...suggestions are welcome....

I date a vegetarian. I, am not.

He does not cook, I do. This poses problems when you had decided tofu was disgusting years ago, and you have never heard of tempeh, or seitan, or any other alternatives to meat that I might be able to construct an acceptable meal out of. 


Tofu? Not that bad. Now that I'm not scared of it.Still cant cook it, but ill keep trudging along until the territory is no longer unfamiliar. Because, eating meat makes me feel guilty. I'm by no means any sort of environmental crusader, but the older I get, the more I realize how important it is to be better to our planet. Plus, there have been little clues all along. Eating meat off the bone freaks me out, chicken wings remind me that my delicious pile of saucy snacks was a number of chickens who came from bad homes. Ribs have me visualizing the part of Porky they came from. Liver is called liver, kidneys called kidneys, hearts called hearts. I happen to possess all of these organs, so they're off the menu as well.


And yet......STEAK. Tacos. Burgers. Spaghetti Bolognese....I'm not ready yet!


So, here is my effort to document warts and all, our culinary adventure into making meatless meat dishes that taste like meat, in an effort to fill our lives with guilt free alternatives. 


**For my friends....don't think I've gone completely off my rocker and become all healthy and granola...we still use salt ,butter and sugar, and cheese (lots of cheese!) and all the things that make life bearable.**